Tender Mercies (1 Nephi 1:20)

“But behold, I, Nephi, will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance.” (1 Nephi 1:20)

This one verse tells me so much about the character of God. When I was young, I remember hearing all these fire and brimstone speeches, all the terrible things that would happen to me, all the ways God would curse me if I stepped out of line. I’m sure I heard stories of a kind, loving, forgiving God too, but they didn’t leave as much of an impression upon my overly imaginative mind as the hell and damnation stories did.

I used to be afraid of God. I could not be perfect, therefore it was only a matter of time before I “got mine.” During my teen years, I used that as an excuse to participate in various forms of rebellion. If I was going to be punished and sent to hell, I might as well make it worth the trip!

Fortunately, and I’m sure due to the many prayers and efforts of my wonderful “goodly” parents, I soon saw the error of my ways. Sin and rebellion only led to heartache, creating “hell” on earth.

I then set out to be as perfect as possible, on the chance—slim though it may be—of avoiding this terrible fate. Well, that didn’t work. No matter how hard I tried, I was weak and human. I slipped up. I came to feel like God set me these impossible tasks, let me get almost within arm’s reach, then at the very last minute, He would jerk the rug out from under me and yank away the prize, the promised blessings.

I vividly remember the day these beliefs changed. I told a close friend how I felt—someone who clearly knew the God Nephi spoke of and often testified of His “tender mercies” in her life. She said I should pray and tell God, honestly, how I felt.

I couldn’t do that! Tell God I felt angry and resentful toward Him? That I didn’t trust Him? That sometimes I didn’t even particularly like Him? I might as well set up a lightning rod and paint a target on my head!

And then my friend said one of the most profound things I’ve every heard in my life: “What? You think He doesn’t already know?”

Those words echoed through my mind over and over for days. Not long afterward, I found myself at home alone for several hours. I gathered all the courage I had—plus I’m sure some on loan from unseen angels—and I knelt and began to pray, expressing for the first time the honest feelings of my heart. It was not pretty.

After awhile, I ran out of steam. You can only rant and rave and cry for so long before the body just stops. I moved from a kneeling to a sitting position, my back against the side of my bed. Exhausted, I just sat there awhile.

Then I looked around. There on the floor, peeking out from under a messy pile of blankets, was the corner of a Book of Mormon. I crawled over to it, opened it and began to read.

Sometime later, I found myself back on my knees, this time asking the Lord to show me the truth of my situation. Was He really an angry, vengeful, manipulative God? Or was He the kind, loving, merciful being my friend and the Book of Mormon testified of?

What followed was one of the most spiritual experiences of my life. During the next hour, I became convinced of God’s love for me as an individual, of His desire for me to succeed, and of His unending supply of tender mercy for me.

I wish I could say life was wonderful from then on, but I cannot. I was yet to face some of my greatest challenges. And having not yet developed the habit of turning to the Lord, counseling with Him in all things, there were many times when I behaved at odds with what I now knew to be true. I would often hit a brick wall, bang my head against it for days or weeks before finally remembering to ask the Lord for help, to apply His tender mercies to my current situation. But as soon as I did remember, as soon as I asked for His help, a previously unseen door would open in that wall and God would deliver me.

Today I see the tender mercies of the Lord all around me. Not generic mercies, but custom-tailored-just-for-me mercies. I see the Lord’s hand working for my good, in my life, in the lives of others.

Do I still find myself sometimes banging my head against a brick wall? Well, of course I do! But I bang my head much less often and for far less time than before. Sometimes I even catch myself on the first thwack, stop, and look for the door that I know God is waiting to open for me. He is just waiting to make me “mighty even unto the power of deliverance” from whatever current, uncomfortable, unresolvable situation I find myself in.

So, the moral of this very long narration: I know from hard-won personal experience that God, the Lord Jesus Christ, is a God of tenderness and mercy. I know that He “chooses” to bless me because I choose to believe He will. His tender mercies color and soften all my life experiences and I can find them if I just take a moment to look.

And I know that you will be able to see them in your own life too. Just ask Him to show you. He will.